When I'm focused on the Creator my life is limitless, bold and care free. Two seconds later I realize I'm walking on water and get so overwhelmed by the unknown future that I quickly find myself drowning. It's amazing how immediate and drastically this happens.
The other day I distinctly remember the feeling of ease and consistency wash over me. You know those days? When everything goes right, community is great and you realize your fine and happy with where you’re at? Later that weekend thoughts of my future hit me hard. Sunday I was trying to track with the pastor during his sermon but found myself getting spacey, my eyes staring at nothing and my mind running. Questions of what my purpose is, where am I supposed to serve, how am I going to afford living wherever that is consumed me. Then my thought process would break and I'd be snapped back to reality. Those moments seemed to never end and would come at unexpected times.
The waves
They're so real and they're there, but so is Jesus. And like many times before I've realized that He's what's to be focused on when it's high tide.
After that realization hit me at the end of the day, God gave me this picture of a timeline from the beginning of this year (when this particular season started for me) until I depart for Africa (the "end of this season") basically all that I know of my life.
The thing is I've never been in this place before. You grow up going to school and being guided more or less by parents, siblings and adults. Taken care of. School is laid out year to year and even college gives you a scheduled path. So it's scary to think of the fact that I don't have something solid to come back to yet. All I know is that I love Jesus and have realized like never before that He is taking care of me, He has to.
After He gave me that picture He said "My plan hasn't changed and just because you don't know it yet doesn't mean I don't either".
Okay I can breathe again.
Happy Monday!
-DG
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