Lately I've noticed the Lord reveal parts of my heart that I was unaware of, and desires of how I want to serve Him in this life. And the funny thing is every part of me that could be used to serve Him has been stripped away. Any opportunity to work, volunteer, or serve has either fell through, been made impossible or mysteriously not lined up.
At first it was hard, I was so uncomfortable with the extra time and fell into this mentality of feeling useless. My fear of becoming lazy and a homebody was very real and that's something the Lord knew I had to address about myself. I also realized during all this time that I love to work my way to Jesus. Even if I were to do ministry something dedicated to Him, my mindset going into it was "what can I do to make Jesus love me more".
How gracious was He to reveal that to me?
One day He told me "Deborah stop striving" it was very dramatic the way I pictured it in my head, which I think has made it stick with me. Gosh He knows me so well.
So, I listened. It was hard at first trying to instill that in me, breaking years of habits of waiting for people, letting anxiety consume me and learning how to be still. Sometimes it's still hard and I let the old self weigh me down a bit.
But I've seen the way God blesses my obedience in just sitting in the season He's called me to. A season of receiving His gifts and a lot of resting. It's ok to rest even if society says it's not.
How can we love and bless others well if we're not taking time to rest and care for ourselves? I think God wants that for us and I think we just try too hard sometimes.
Happy Sunday!
-DG
