This new season has challenged my emotions. And to be honest I want it to end. Some days it feels like it has and then a word, or picture will trigger the hard emotions and a cloud of defeat will cover me again.
Serving God in Africa has been a joy. The things I've gotten to experience are a privilege. And I try not to take for granted that. But God when He calls us to serve Him, promises fullness. I can't experience true fullness unless I allow God to shape me in the trails. And unfortunately that means not running away from the hurt. Sometimes that means sitting in it. And knowing that we have permission to do so.
God has created me to feel deeply. And when I feel defeated my only weapon is verbally proclaiming truth as my feelings at that point have betrayed me.
But after we've allowed ourselves to feel it's key that we know there is victory and defeat is only a feeling.
I knew the answer for me today, (maybe tomorrow it will look different) was not to run to my bible or drown myself in worship music but to just lay on my bed and be honest with God. I didn't have it in me to verbally process with anyone else yet and other options felt empty. I needed to rant and so I did.
And after that I heard God say "And yet I love you still".
And yet, I still felt weighed down.
There was unforgiveness in my heart and so I forgave. But the overwhelming sense of freedom wasn't there even still.
It wasn't until I was about to work on a carving and instead chose to scroll through a news feed that the burden was lifted.
Maybe it's a millennial thing ;)
I guess all this goes to show that, as much as I continuously wish there was, there NEVER will be a formula to life.
Happy Monday
-DG
No comments:
Post a Comment